


Spy Movies and Teen Rom-Coms Don't Mix

by Anonymous



Category: Recess
Genre: F/M, Illustrated, The Spinelli Family, They're Canonically Secret Agents sooooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8076475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Could you really blame him for being confused? Usually, when the girl you have a crush on spends all her time staring at the new kid, your first thought isn't that he's her espionage arch rival who has infiltrated your high school to steal a potential bio-weapon in the making and it's her job to get to it first.What you think of is those cheesy teen dramas where the girl gets swept off her feet and the well meaning best friend is left in the dust, forgotten and alone.





	1. Double Oh No, You've Got to Be Kidding Me.

“You guys up for a trip to Slausens tonight?” Tj asked the group of teens sitting around his lunch table. Every member of the ragtag clique knew what was coming. They’d gone through this time and time again. “Vince?” Each name would be called by their leader.

“Yeah dude.” The corresponding teen would voice their consent.

“Gus?” One by one.

“Of course.” Always a yes.

“Mikey?” All building up to one.

“I’d love to!” The answer everyone but a certain someone knew TJ was desperately hoping for.

“Gretchen?” She’d love to say yes.

“I can make adequate room in my schedule.” But she couldn’t.

“Spinelli?” The girl stiffened.

“Ah,” the Italian American glanced around the room dodgily. “I, uh, can’t. Family night and all.” She chuckled awkwardly. “You guys have fun without me.”

You’d think with how frequently Tj experienced this specific disappointment, he’d be better at hiding it. “Oh, sure, Spin. Maybe next time?” The boy asked with a weak smile.

“Yeah, maybe,” Spinelli answered while her eyes darted to her phone. Her eyebrows furrowed as she read the message on the screen. “Actually, I have to-” She was interrupted by the cafeteria loudspeaker.

“Will A. Spinelli please report to the front office?”

“Uh, yeah. See you guys later,” the girl said with an apologetic grin before racing out of the large room. Tj stared at her abandoned lunch for a moment before letting out a long, drawn out sigh.

“Don’t take it personally, Tj,” Gretchen said as she let her eyes amble over the college textbook she was reading for fun. “She’s just a busy person.”

“You know,” Gus said as he stole some of Spinelli’s orphaned fries, “you should probably tell her how you feel. Then she’d be more willing to make more time for you.”

“Yeah, she’d put in the extra effort to hang out with her boyfriend,” Vince agreed as he also helped himself to the fries.

“Guys!” Tj cried out in exasperation. “Stop teasing me. It’s not cool- getting my hopes up like that.”

As the rest of the table exchanged flat glances, Mikey let out an amused giggle. “Oh, young love. As blind as it is pure.”

Tj merely buried his face in his hands as he let out a long groan. “I wonder what she does on all these family nights.”

\---

Spinelli dropped into the silent room from an air vent. Her eyes scanned the darkness, using her green night vision goggles to make sense out of the black shapes. Running her tongue along her top lip, the teen crept forward silently as a gloved hand grasped a manilla folder sitting on top of a desk. She quickly flipped through it, using her goggles to take pictures of every page. Tapping in morse code against her thumb knuckle, she gave her team a heads up on her position. A responding series of clicks in her ear let her know that everyone was ready to proceed. Spinelli set down the folder as she stealthily made her way to the doorway leading to the lab.

Dash dot. Dash dash dash. Dot dash dash.

The teen rammed her foot against the door and smirked when the alarms didn’t go off. Casually walking past the battered down door, the girl set to observing her surroundings. The work station on the far left caught her attention. There. Behind the lab desk in seconds, Spinelli paused at the sight of a picture frame on top.

 _No way_.

She immediately snapped a picture with her goggles before moving on. She needed to find a certain petri dish. Apparently, this biomedical company got it’s hands on a sample of a disease that the government would really rather not have in the United States. After dodging all official investigations, the company really should have expected action like this. What they should've expected even more was rival companies stealing their research.  
“Looking for this?” A voice called out from behind Spinelli. She spun around and found a teenage boy clad in black standing behind her. In his hand was a petri dish. “I should’ve known they’d send _you_ , 004.”

“And I should’ve known a greedy business would hire a shit rag like _you_ to protect their illegal cargo, Tango.” The girl hissed back as she slipped into a fighting stance. He mimicked her posture as he slid the petri dish down a pocket on his side.

“Mmm, not quite, 004.” He charged forward with a chuckle, “hired by a company yes. This one? No.” Spinelli easily ducked around his incoming fist to try and deliver an elbow into his gut. He twisted away right at the last second. Close quarters combat kept the two in extreme proximity to each other. When Spinelli managed to knock him on the ground and wrap him in a judo grapple, he let out a displeased sigh. “Times like this are when I wish my rival agent was a cute boy.”

The girl used his moment of distraction to switch the petri dishes in his pocket. “That can be easily arranged. Just go harass some other agent when they’re on the job and leave me alone,” She spat.

He kicked his limbs around to flip them both off the ground. She easily disentangled himself from her. “None of the cute boys are as good as you are though. While I like a cute butt, I like a challenge even more.”

“Gee thanks,” she drawled as she backed away to return to fighting position.

“I mean, everyone knows you’re the child of 005 and 006, even if we don’t know your civilian identities. The expectations were high and you met them easily. Can you blame me for wanting to involve myself in this narrative?” He continued as he stepped towards the opposite door, still under the impression he had the petri dish.

“Yes.” With that the boy bolted from the room. Spinelli watched with a smirk on her face. Returning to the desk, she shifted through the belongings, gathering as much intel as possible. Dropping a covert bug on the desk, the girl nodded silently. It never hurt to be thorough. She tapped a quick message on her knuckle and readied for extraction. Flawless mission. Damn right she was good. When a rope dropped from the air vent she entered through, the girl made her way out of the building.

Waiting for her outside were two figures clad in black. “Pookie!” The wider figure declared happily as she exited the vent. “Great job, hun!”

She let herself be embraced in a hug by the two figures before clearing her throat. “And you two wonder why everyone figured out I’m your daughter when you’ve done such a good job of keeping everything else about our identities confidential.”

Laughing, one of the figures pulled off her mask, revealing Flo Spinelli. “You think this is bad? You should’ve seen it when your father and I first met. He was so obvious in trying to court me that everyone knew immediately. They could tell when I first said yes to a date, when we got married- when it comes to love your father is a book with extra large text and annotations to explain every sentence.”

“I’m not surprised,” Spinelli responded as she pulled the petri dish from her pack.

“Aren’t you glad we spend these family nights together?” Flo asked as the family rappelled down the side of the sixteen story building. The teen held her tongue. She was supposed to prioritize the safety of the free world above all else. How could she tell her parents she’d rather spend her time with her friends? Just because she had a crush didn’t mean she could ignore the free world.

\---

“So,” a nasal voice resonated from her father’s shoe as the Spinelli family readied themselves for their civilian day in the kitchen. “This is the wrong petri dish. The disease in here is just a strain of the common cold.” Everyone froze. Spinelli clenched her fists in anger. Had Tango- “But thanks to the bug planted by 004 we actually know where it is. Apparently, Mrs. Scaalwell, the scientist, got her stuff mixed up with her husband's recently. She was talking with her coworkers about her husband accidentally taking the sample to work and losing it. Anyway, we’ve determined where he works. It’s-”

“7th St High School, we know.” Spinelli interrupted the voice. Her parents looked at her, surprised. “We’ve already established a cover in the area. I will be infiltrating to search for it.”

“I don’t know how you three do it,” the voice from the shoe whistled before signing off.

“Hun.” Flo began as she looked at her daughter. “You know the consequences if we-”

“Yeah,” the teen answered as she glared down at her breakfast. “If anything goes wrong, if HQ thinks there’s the slightest chance of us being discovered, they’ll move us. They don’t know this is where we live all the time so they’ll treat it like every other cover identity we’ve lived under.”

“Disposable,” her father chimed in. He reached out to gently take her hand. “Pookie, we’ve got this. We’re the Spinellis. Nothing will go wrong.”

“Yeah,” the girl grinned weakly as she tried to find some sense of security in her father’s words. “Sure.” Walking into school had never felt so foreign to Spinelli before. It was supposed to be a break from her spy life but now it was becoming a part of it. She fought down the shivers that rolled down her spine at the thought of her happy place being tainted by the cruel world of espionage. Like hell she’d let this stuff anywhere near her friends.

“Spin!” Tj’s voice sounded from down the hall. A natural smile found it’s way on her face in spite of the mood. Thank god for Tj. “Hey, so, since family night’s done and over with, you’re good to hang out with us after school?” She tried not to flinch at the question he posited while running towards her with that adorable big, dopey smile.

“Yeah, uh,” she tried to mutter the second word, pretending she didn’t need to say it, “probably.” He had heard it though and his smile fell just a bit. Before she could try to reassure him, Spinelli noticed a figure leaning against a locker and smirking at her. Mother _fucking_ **no**. She leveled the person a glare as she stepped around Tj, making sure to keep her body between her friend and _him_.

“Spin, was it?” He asked as he pushed himself off the lockers and waltzed towards the two teens. “Nice to meet you. My name’s Trevor. I’m new here. Actually,” His eyes briefly flickered to the freckled teen behind the girl, “I was hoping you could help me find Mr. Scaalwell’s office.” At that Trevor and Spinelli fell into silence as they engaged in a heated glaring contest.

Tj’s heart dropped into his stomach.


	2. HE IS GOING TO BE AT HER WEDDING DAMNIT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tj comes up with a plan. Vince is skeptical. Spinelli is going to have to pay for damaging school property.

Tj grit his teeth as he tried to keep from running down the halls. _Speed walk, Tj. Speed wa- Oh fuck it_. The freckled teen broke into a run when he spotted Vince at the other end of the corridor. He needed to unload all of his emotional anxiety on an unsuspecting set of ears and, damn if Vince’s didn’t look ripe for a rant.

“I’m about to become that guy _you know, the one in every teen movie_? The best friend who gets jealous and tries to stop his crush from getting with some new jerk who probably doesn’t deserve her and ends up totally cut out of her life, alone, not even invited to the wedding- _that guy_.”

“Tj,” Vince began while laying a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I have no idea what you just said.”

“The new guy and Spinelli are going to fall in love and get married and I can already see our high school reunion and, Vince, I’m going to be the guy who hit his peak in high school and I’ll be forever alone because, damnit, no one is ever going to be anywhere near as good as Spin!” Tj cried out.

The athlete stared at his friend for a long moment and then took in a deep breath. He exhaled a heavy sigh and set to his duties as a best friend. “You’re insane. You and Spinelli have practically been married since elementary school. You even kis-”

“Nope!” The freckled teen yelped loudly. “We do _not_ talk about that. You know this. She swore she’d kill me if we ever spoke about it.”

“Actually,” Vince reminded Tj, “she said she’d have to kill you because you kissed her to begin with. You said you were going to have to get married.”

“Yeah,” Tj said seriously, “so don’t remind her. As much as I would enjoy spending the rest of my life with her, I want it to last longer than five minutes, thanks.”

Vince rolled his eyes. “You don’t even hesitate talking about marrying Spinelli.”

“AH!” The freckled teen slammed his fist in his palm, remembering why he’d sought out his friend in the first place. “Except she’ll never marry me now! Trevor happened!”

“Again,” the athlete spoke calmly, “you and Spinelli have been attached at the hip since forever. I doubt she’s actually into this guy.”

“You didn’t see the way she was looking at him!” Tj declared, his hands thrust into the air. “It was so intense. There were sparks flying!”

“Okay, but what you’re describing is pretty normal for her. You know how she glares? All the time? Yeah, that’s more or less what your were just describing.”

“Vince, I’ve known Spin for a long time. I am an expert on all things Spinelli. I swear she’s going to start dating this guy and she’s going to forget I exist but if I do anything about it my life will become a really crappy low budget teen rom-com.”

Vince massaged his temples. It wasn’t often that Tj was the one of the friend group to have an emotional freak out, but when he was, well, it was not fun. “Tj, she’s not going to stop being your friend because she picked a fight with the new guy. Just,” the black teen sighed again, making eye contact with his friend, “be yourself, Teej. Keep being you and Spin will never leave your side. Now, I gotta go. Coach wanted to see me about some training drills."

“Yeah,” the leader of the gang replied airly, lost in his own thoughts. “See you later.”

_Just be yourself_. Tj could do that. Tj could totally do that.

The freckled teen sighed in exasperation, trying to revive his signature charisma and cool demeanor. He definitely wasn’t acting like his usual self. This was the kind of sporadic behavior that gets you uninvited to the future wedding of your best friend. If he wanted to stay part of Spinelli’s life (and be her man of honor) then he needed to stay cool. _Chill_. What would normal Tj do? Well, usually when his friends have a crush on someone, he does his best to set them up.

So that was what Tj would do. He would help the girl he’d liked since fourth grade (probably since even longer, if he was going to be honest) hook up with some stranger they both know nothing about. Because _friendship_.

If he was going to be a successful matchmaker, the freckled teen would need to know more about this “Trevor”.

Phase one of Operation: Man of Honor: Befriend the future groom.

With all of his contacts throughout the school, it was not hard for Tj to track down Trevor or for him to get a bit of a head start learning about the new kid. According to the gossip ring orchestrated by the Ashleys, Trevor was a solid 9. He dressed like he walked out of an AllCromby and Fitz magazine and he had a swagger that screamed confidence. Supposedly he transferred schools quite frequently, so he had never had the time to really settle down and make lifelong friends but he’s quite the social butterfly. He’s definitely a cool kid and it looked like he rides a motorcycle to school. Aside from the motorcycle, Tj couldn’t help but think that Trevor and Spinelli didn’t have much in common. But whatever. _Friendship_.

The teen managed to track down the new-comer between first and second period, knowing that they both had second period off. Spotting Trevor standing at his locker, Tj leisurely walked forwards and let himself just _exude_ casual. He was smooth. He had this under control. He will be invited to Spinelli’s wedding, damnmit!

“Hey, Trevor, right?” Tj asked, stopping behind the future groom.

Trevor turned around slowly and shot a quick glance up and down the brunette’s form before responding with a grin. “Yes, and you are?”

“Tj,” he stuck out a palm for handshake.

The new student hesitated for a split second, eyes darting down to the hand before he accepted the gesture. Grasping the hand warmly, Trevor stared the other teen down with half-lidded eyes. “Nice to meet you, Tj.”

“Yeah, same,” the boy replied with a somewhat awkward laugh.

-

Spinelli growled as she repeatedly beat her fists against the punching bag in the weight room. Her sanctuary, the place where she could just be a kid, it was under attack. Her high school had been infiltrated and the insufferable Tango knew more about her than he ever should be privy to. Spinning, sharply, she swung her leg into the bag. The force of her kick knocked the equipment off its mount and the heavy sand bag thumped to the ground with a cloud of loose sand puffing up around it. Huffing out a sigh, the short teen crouched next to the defeated punching bag.

“Working something out?” A familiar voice asked from behind her.

“Vince,” Spinelli fought to keep all weakness out of her voice. Everything was fine. “Hey.” She easily pulled the sand bag off the ground in spite of the fact that it was larger than she was and weighed three times more.

“Hey,” the black teen replied as he settled next to the bench press. “So, the new guy, huh?”

Spinelli grit her teeth, fingers digging into the waxy fabric she held. “What about him?” she hissed. Glaring daggers at whatever had the misfortune to be directly in front of her, the girl fixed the punching bag back on its stand. The last thing she needed to be thinking about was _Tango_.

Vince watched Spinelli’s rigid form carefully. “Tj seemed to get the impression that you and this new guy-”

Whatever he was saying, the Italian American couldn't hear it. Rage flooded her senses as she thought about the agent walking the halls of _her_ school. How _dare_ he be here. How _dare_ he be so close to her friends. _If he hurt them, oh, if he hurt them Spinelli was ready to break several very important, preventing-humanity-from-starting-world-war-III peace treaties involving their agencies because nothing would stop her vengeance_. Spinelli was armed and dangerous with knowledge on everything from how to disrupt the economic stability of a nation in order to pressure them into a trade deal to roughly 72 different ways to kill a man with a plastic spoon. Dangerous was likely the single greatest word to describe A. Spinelli. She wouldn't have it any other way and she'd make sure to make Tango, or _Trevor_ , understood that.

A single powerful punch buried itself in the sandbag. Sand poured out around her wrist as the teen admired her handiwork. Removing her fist, the new hole sputtered before spewing sand with renewed vigor, coating the floor in the grainy substance. Spinning around, Spinelli collected her bag and stormed out of the room.

Vince stared in shock at the damage she'd done. Apparently Tj was right, in so far as the transfer student definitely wasn't on the receiving end of Spinelli’s usual glares. If anything, those sparks Tj saw were probably left overs from when she tried to breathe fire all over the guy. Vince wasn't worried so much that Spinelli was going to break Tj’s heart as he was that she was going to jail for ripping out someone else's mortal combat style. Vince had seen Spinelli in love before, hell, he'd seen it most of his childhood when she was around Tj. The girl melted around the people she liked, she didn't get even angrier. Whatever Tj was going to do about his apparent romantic crisis, Vince hoped that it wasn't going to keep Spinelli anywhere within 50 feet of the new kid. Otherwise, there'd be blood.

“I'm not cleaning up after you!” The black teen called down the hall.

-

Tj strut towards his gang’s usual table with Trevor in tow behind him. Spinelli hadn't shown up yet, she was always late to lunch since she had art the period before, which was good. Tj figured if Trevor was going to become an accessory to the gang via Spinelli’s love life, he should probably be introduced to them without the context of Spinelli. That way he'll be Trevor, who ended up dating and then marrying Spinelli, instead of Spinelli’s boyfriend/husband, Trevor. Because TJ WAS GOING TO BE THE MAN OF HONOR DAMMIT. He was going to make their romance the kind of gross movie he and Spinelli used to make faces and gag at when they had movie nights at each other's houses as children. ( _Read: the kind of movie they were making faces and gagging at two weekends ago when Spinelli had some miraculously found free time._ )

“Hey guys,” he called out preemptively to the table. Vince, previously engaged in staring at one Gretchen Grundler furiously typing equations into her graphing calculator, blanched at the sight of the aforementioned new kid. “This is Tre-” Tj was cut off as Vince abruptly stood and clotheslined the group leader. Carrying the freckled teen far from the table and around a corner, the athlete spun his friend around and held him by the shoulders.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“What?” Tj blinked the confusion from his eyes. “I'm securing my position as man of honor at Spinelli’s wedding. When she's standing at the altar, I'm going to be by her side, even if it's just as a bridesman.” This was ridiculous. Vince rubbed circles against his temples. The conviction with which the boy spoke of his crush was admirable but also slightly insane. They were high schoolers. Tj might be a planner and a schemer but he was planning way too far ahead.

“Tj,” Vince huffed out in exasperation, “I'm positive Spinelli isn't in love with this guy. She hates him. If you keep them too close to each other, Spinelli is going to kill him. You can't be a bridesman if the bride is in prison.”

Tj had the gall to roll his eyes and sigh at Vince. “Vince, buddy, I know Spinelli’s emotions are hard to read. She always looks like she's angry. But, having been her neighbor, I've learned how to read her face. The first time she saw him, there was no anger, no quick dismissal, just shock. They looked at each other and he had all of her attention. The way she looked at him- she never looks at anyone like that.”

The athlete paused. He definitely wasn't the foremost expert on all things Spinelli, that was a title Tj held proudly (he'd made himself a plaque for it when he was 9). Whatever Tj saw when Spinelli and this new guy met, he probably wasn't wrong. Maybe Vince had misunderstood Spinelli’s brutal disembowelment of the punching bag. Maybe she just wanted to destroy a punching bag. That certainly seemed like the kind of abrupt impulse Spinelli would have.

“Okay,” Vince breathed out slowly. “As long as you're sure this is a good idea. You know I trust you, teej.”

Tj nodded seriously. “I'm positive. The last thing I want is for the gang to splintered because I fell into the best friend trope. This is for the good of us all. We need to befriend Trevor.” The freckled teen made his way back to the table, casually entering the conversation Trevor and Gustav were having on some kind of military helicopter.

“Everyone's happiness but your own,” Vince muttered to himself with a light shake of his head. _The things Tj did for his friends_.


	3. Made For TV Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gretchen is very helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are slow just because I'm an idiot whose got somewhere around twenty active stories across various sites. I haven't given up on this. I promise.

When Spinelli walked into the cafeteria, absently wiping some not quite dry acrylic paint on her ragged pants, she was looking forward to sitting with her friends. After spending her day with tight muscles and closed fists courtesy of her anger, it would be nice to loosen up to the tune of her friends’ laughter. Or, at least, that had been the plan. A quick glance at their usual table revealed a certain _asshole_ wedged between Gus and TJ. Contrary to popular belief, Spinelli wasn’t exactly eager to commit homicide in front of a high school cafeteria’s worth of witnesses. That was really something she preferred to do without an audience, _thanks_. Also, the last thing she needed was for Trevor to see just how important the gang was to her. The fewer weakness of hers he knew about the better.

Without sparing a glance to her friends, she charged past the table to the nearly empty lunch line. Only grabbing herself an apple (because even school cafeterias can’t possibly fuck that up), she made her way to a table on the other side of the room. It was sparsely populated by some of her friends from art and metal shop classes. She wasn’t as close with them as she was with the gang, but it wasn’t unheard of for her to join them on occasion. Sitting with her back to the usual table, the girl pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to the only person she could rely on.

Gretchen Grundler stopped working on the calculus problem she’d been interested in at the soft buzzing in her pocket. Immediately pulling out her heavily modified and customized android, the girl quickly drew her eyes over the brief test message. _Malamiko infiltrita tablo. Mi ne ekzitsi._ Biting back a small smile, the academic casually put her phone back down and swept her bespectacled eyes over the table. _So the new kid’s trouble._

Of everyone in the gang, only Gretchen had ever come close to discovering Spinelli’s secret life. The tall girl was just naturally curious and entirely too smart for her own good. She could hardly help it when she _accidentally_ hacked into certain government websites and oh so _casually_ stumbled upon certain personnel rosters. She’d just wanted to know why so many of Spinelli’s family nights coincided with major political events all across the globe is all. To Spinelli’s credit, she’d seen Gretchen’s discovery coming and had set the situation up in their favor. The teen rushed a recommendation for Gretchen as resource for their organization, recognized and sanctioned to know. Gretchen had been cleared for access roughly fifteen minutes before the the freckled girl had found the Spinellis’ names buried in the encrypted data.

Since then Gretchen had gotten some training with the technology utilized by the organization. She hadn’t needed it. Sometimes the girl assisted on the odd mission, but usually she just helped cover for Spinelli or functioned as a shoulder to lean on during especially emotionally distressing times. It was a favor the Italian American could never hope to pay back in full. Times like this were when Gretchen proved exceptionally useful.

“So,” the academic said loudly, catching the attention of everyone at the table, “new kid, uhm, Trevor, right? Where did you say you were from?” She spent the rest of lunch talking to Trevor, constantly asking him questions and not giving him a single moment of reprieve. Gretchen didn’t let Trevor ask a single question, instead having to speak about himself the entire period so he couldn’t learn anything about Spinelli even accidentally. Any time one of the gang was going to mention something about the Italian American, Gretchen would smoothly interrupt them and redirect the conversation so masterfully, no one could even tell what she’d done. Gretchen might not have been out in the field, but she felt every bit the secret agent beguiling her way through the enemy base. The girl entertained a quick fantasy of herself casually twirling a champagne glass, wearing a fitted suit, and charming a certain athlete before she shook herself from that train of thought to refocus on the task at hand.

In no time at all lunch was over and Trevor had learned nothing of Spinelli’s relation to the group. The future valedictorian watched carefully as Trevor’s eyes tracked Tj, exiting the cafeteria, closely with a glitter of interest dancing in his irises. As the new kid moved to join the freckled boy, Gretchen quickly intercepted him, asking for his class schedule to see if she could help him find his next class.

As she carted the reluctant Trevor out the opposite door Tj had taken, insisting it was a more efficient route to reach his next classroom, Spinelli smirked. Gretchen was, as always, brilliant. A tight hand on her shoulder caught the Italian American’s attention. Glancing back, she was great with a very nervous, stressed Vince.

“What the _hell_?” He hissed, moving to stand next to her. She didn’t even have a passing curiosity in him but then she got a text and now she’s basically nominated herself as his tour guide.” Spinelli only grinned wider at his distressed tone. “Just, _tell me_ she isn’t interested in him. There’s been a lot of talk. He’s Ashley-Approved. Tell me she’s just doing this because of your weird desire to utterly destroy him.”

“Calm your tits, Vince,” Spinelli replied easily. “He isn’t her type.”

“Mikey would be pissed if you said that around him,” the athlete replied immediately.

“Well, he isn’t here, now is he?” the spy shot back. The two stared at each other in silence for a long moment before the black teen shifted from foot to foot, glancing around the almost empty cafeteria.

“So,” he murmured, eyes finally drawn back to the short girl in front of him. “What _is_ Gretchen’s type?” Spinelli merely cackled and turned around, leaving the room. “Spinelli! Seriously! _Please?!_ ”

\----

Tj paced furiously in front of his locker, hands buried in his brown hair. Probably the _worst_ possible thing had happened- which was saying something because it had felt pretty damn close to the end of the world already. Apparently Gretchen _also_ had an interest in Trevor. Everything had just escalated from a cheap rom com to a made for TV movie.

The boy knew Gretchen and Spinelli were close friends. They had a special bond. It wasn’t the same kind that he and Spinelli had, from growing up attached at the hip, always a stone’s throw away. If anything, it was like the girls had a shared secret, something only the two of them knew that they could snicker about behind everyone else’s backs. A while ago Tj had noticed that the two sent coded texts to each other, which had just seemed extreme. Even he and Spinelli didn’t have their own special language. Stuff like that just seemed _unnecessary_. It certainly wasn’t evidence that Spinelli was closer to Gretchen than him. Also, Tj definitely _wasn’t_ jealous. That would be ridiculous.

Just because he’d memorized the message he’d seen and put it into every online translator he could find (Esperanto was the language they were using, the message had actually just been a vague reminder about some project Gretchen was working on), it didn’t mean Tj had any kind of feelings about it. Nor did the fact that he’d started teaching himself Esperanto. It was just a really easy language to learn- that’s all. 

The point was Spinelli and Gretchen were good friends. Good friends in lo- _like_ with the same guy. In one lunch period Tj’s relevance to the overall plot had dropped significantly. He was, without a doubt, a side story in this terrible movie now. _Shit_ , Tj realized with wide eyes. If he was just a supporting character then _so was Vince_. Everything was going to hell in a handbasket. This was about more than just Tj now. If the gang was going to survive the arrival of Trevor, the brunette had some serious scheming to do.


	4. Tj's Contingency Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tj convinces Vince. Sort of.

Vince ran the length of the basketball court, pounding the ball against the shiny wooden floor before grasping it in both hands and leaping up to the net. His feet and the ball dropped back onto the court with a loud slam. The echoes of his landing reverberated throughout the empty gymnasium. Heaving out a thick breath, the teen felt the thoughts he’d been trying to forget flood back to him.

_Spinelli said he wasn’t her type. I don’t have anything to worry about. Spinelli knows Gretchen. Spinelli would know Gretchen’s type. She wouldn’t lie about this kind of thing to Vince. Trevor isn’t her type. So it didn’t matter how her eyes followed him, how she grinned, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip, a-_

A loud cough startled Vince out of his thoughts, causing the tall teen to jump. Whipping around, the athlete spotted Tj leaning against the gym wall. The freckled boy grinned easily and gave Vince a little wave. Sighing, Vince slowly made his way over to his friend. The brunette pushed off the wall to meet the approaching teen halfway.

“So,” Tj said with a smug smile that, frankly, pissed Vince off. “Gretchen seems pretty curious about Trevor, huh?”

“Shut up,” the black teen hissed.

“Look, I tried to warn you,” Tj said with a frown.

“Warn me?” Vince asked incredulously.

“About how we were apparently cursed by some random god to live the plot of a low budget rom-com! Only now we’ve fallen to the level of a made for TV movie because Gretchen and Spin falling for the same guy-”

“Hey!” Vince growled. “Spinelli swore Trevor wasn’t Gretchen’s type.”

“Yeah,” the brunette frowned, shaking his head, “that is exactly what a girl who likes a guy would say about the guy’s relationship with another girl. It’s rom-com 101!” Running a freckled hand through his short hair, Tj sighed. “Look, Vince, it’s not good. You and I are basically subplots at this point in time.”

“Tj, you’re being ridiculous,” the athlete tried to rebut.

“Fine, don’t believe me.” Tj shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. “And when the group splinters apart because Spinelli and Gretchen’s love rival bullshit makes everyone choose sides until we’re all alone, you and I can co-own a cheap apartment we’ll call our bachelor pad and regularly visit a bar to reminisce about our unrequited first loves.”

“Ugh, god Tj,” Vince huffed, rubbing at his temples.

“Just,” the brunette tried again, “you’ve got to admit that Gretchen seems _really_ interested in Trevor. Maybe you don’t buy into my big theory but it wouldn’t hurt to be cautious, right? Because I know how you feel about Gretchen. It isn’t the little, run of the mill playground crush, man. Besides, have I ever steered you wrong before?”

Vince let out a strangled shout in frustration. Throwing his arms in the air, he sighed in defeat. “Okay, okay! Look, I don’t think the universe is out to get us but I can’t just stand around and lose Gretchen to some new kid.” Tj grinned brightly. “So, what do you want to do?”

“Following the made for TV movie plot, Spinelli and Trevor are going to end up together,” the brunette began, pacing around his friend. “So we need to set them up while diverting Gretchen’s attention elsewhere.” The shorter boy spun abruptly to point at Vince dramatically, “We’ll get her to focus on you to keep her away from Trevor. You’ll be the trope of the perfect guy who was right under her nose all along.”

“So,” Vince spoke slowly, raising a skeptical brow and crossing his arms, “not that I have a problem with getting Gretchen away from Trevor, but why are we sacrificing your first love and not mine?”

“Vince, man, believe me when I say I wouldn’t be pushing Spinelli and Trevor together if I thought we had any other choice.” Tj ruffled his short brown hair. “But it’s unavoidable. The end goal isn’t my happiness. It’s Spin’s. I just want to still be her friend by the end of all this insanity.”

“Or you could actually tell her how you feel and you’d come out of this as more than friends,” the black teen tried.

“I’m the best friend with the lifelong crush, dude. The best friend always loses the girl to the new guy who rides a motorcycle. This is the only way I don’t lose Spin.” Tj cried out. “Haven’t we already had this conversation?”

“Just reminding you that I don’t agree with your choices,” Vince said. “Now tell me what you want me to do.”

\----

In all honesty, Gretchen was absolutely _dominating_ this whole _distract Trevor_ mission. The only real downside was that it was consuming much of the time she usually preferred to spend tinkering, studying, or making purely scientific, _not at all creepy or obsessive_ , observations if her favorite case study, Vince LaSalle. His competitive spirit, bright smile, and lean, athletic form all piqued her interest- her _scientific curiosity_. Frankly, if anything, she should just be grateful she’d managed to stop herself from cracking open one of her lab notebooks and recording data on his tendency to wear green.

The school day had ended without incident. She’d steered Trevor away from the gang at every turn, trying to give Spinelli the chance to actually speak to her friends that day. However, the agent, ever cautious, still avoided the group; anything to keep targets off their backs. The future valedictorian knew that she couldn’t convincingly stick around Trevor after classes as well. Gretchen just needed to get everyone else out of the way for whatever inevitable showdown was going to take place between the two agents.

“Gretchen!” The familiar voice of her friend group’s leader stretched across the school lawn. She turned around to face her respectfully, democratically elected social leader only to find her favorite _case study_ at his side. Maybe she’d have a little time for some observational studies today after all. The two boy quickly reached her, wearing grins that didn’t quite reach their eyes. “Gretchen, I know you’re super busy but Vince could really use your help,” Tj began before stepping aside so the athlete could speak for himself.

“Uh, yeah,” Vince mumbled awkwardly. “I’ve got a chemistry test coming up and I really want to prove to my coach that I can do better than just the bare minimum in my classes. He’s always worried that I’ll lose playing privileges after a bad test score and getting on my case about that. I figured if you tutored me and I got a great score, he’d stop telling me to study and let me focus on training.” His posture was stiff, he was having trouble making eye contact- Gretchen bet that if she were measuring his galvanic skin response right now, his levels would be soaring. He was obviously lying. The question was why. Gingerly pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, the girl sent the boys a soothing smile.

“Sure,” she pulled out her phone to dig through her calendar app for a time she’d be free. Both she and Vince were incredibly busy and rarely got to see each other outside of school and during whole group outings. It’d be foolish to lose this chance to observe him in a more private setting. Plus, this way, she’d get to figure out what the two boys were trying to pull on her. “I’ve got about an hour after school tuesdays and thursdays, does that work for you?”

Vince blinked in surprise and backed up a step. His eyes darted back to Tj before he looked at the girl again. _So Tj was the brains behind whatever they’re trying to pull._ Gretchen was hardly surprised. She easily kept the knowing smirk off her face as Vince stuttered out something akin to, “sounds great, meet you in the library after school on those days then?”

As the future valedictorian walked away from the boys, busy exchanging looks of varying levels of amusement, the girl pulled out her phone and shot a quick text to her partner in fighting crime.

_V kaj T estas esti stranga denove. Ricevi la gang for kampuso. Vi estas bona iri._

She watched as the reply immediately popped up on her screen.

_Danke. Mi infiltri cinokte._

_Bonsancon_ Gretchen shot back with a grin. Her life was just so _interesting_.


	5. The Tears of James Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tj tries to set people up.

Spinelli quietly crept through dark halls, her all-black ensemble blending in with the shadow-coated school. Mr. Scaalwell’s office was windowless and in the belly of the building. She had no choice but to take the hallways and enter through the front door. Depending on what evidence she found in there, she’d be able to begin her search for the lost sample. Ire bubbled under her skin as she approached the marked door. _Why did her life have to be such a hot fucking mess? _Covering the last few feet to the office quickly, the teen slipped inside.__

__The room had been torn apart. Papers coated the floor. A file cabinet was knocked over. The desk had been stacked on top of the chair in the corner with a potted plant balanced on top, like some kind of gaudy modern art piece that failed to redefine _anything_. Half of the lighting fixture had been torn out of the ceiling and was now hanging awkwardly, straining to stay up. A stapler had been lodged in the drywall, its lower half lolling out of the wall like a dog’s tongue. Shoe prints of various sizes coated multiple surfaces, including the ceiling, seeming to suggest that multiple people had attempted to flip off of walls and apparently the ceiling itself. Someone had spray painted a penis on the wall._ _

___Mother **fucking** Tango_._ _

__He’d gotten here before her, gathered the intel he needed, and trashed the room to make sure she couldn’t learn the same thing-- or anything else for that matter._ _

__She was going to _kill_ him and frame Putin for it. It was plausible. There was no way Trevor had made it this far into his espionage career without severely angering the Russian _totally-not-a_ -dictator. Spinelli herself had received a few too many suspicious parcels at work to doubt otherwise. Besides, it wasn’t like she hadn’t framed Putin for one of her targets before. He was a very easy person to frame, what with all the actual killings he did order._ _

__Growling, she stalked out of the office and made her way to the exits.The teen would need to permanently incapacitate another punching bag before the rage roaring inside her even started to calm._ _

__\---_ _

__Tj smiled upon spotting Trevor ambling down the hall with a smirk. The new kid seemed very pleased at the moment, which was fortunate, because he’d be more likely to accept the brunette’s offer. Picking up his pace to catch up with Trevor, it didn’t take long for the freckled teen to fall into step with his new potential friend._ _

__“Trevor, hey!” he greeted amicably._ _

__Trevor turned to look at the boy before smiling even wider. “Well, hello!”_ _

__“You look like you’re in a good mood,” Tj remarked, keeping his innocent smile on his face to mask his manipulative intentions._ _

__“I really and truly am,” the new kid remarked, an almost menacing grin replaced his smile. It reminded the brunette of Spinelli and his chest ached. They were strangely similar in the smallest ways and that probably made them perfect for one another. In a way Tj and Spinelli never could be._ _

__“You should join my friends and I after school today,” the freckled teen barked out before he could lose himself to a fit of self pity and mopiness. He’d just have to accept that his dream girl was out of his reach. He’d move on. It might take a few years… maybe ten. Fifteen at most. He’d get there. Definitely._ _

__“That’d be,” Trevor lost his rather wicked smirk in favor of an almost awestruck smile, “really great. Thanks.” He hummed a moment, as though considering whether to say something. “I move around a lot,” he began, “so I don’t really make friends too frequently.” Chewing his bottom lip, his dark eyes searched Tj’s own for… _something_. The brunette wasn’t sure what._ _

__“No worries, man. What can I say? We’re a friendly group.” The pair were getting close to Tj’s classroom, so the shorter boy slowed his pace. “You’ve met most of them already, actually. The only one you haven’t met is Spinelli.”_ _

__Trevor looked somewhat distracted, a far away look in his eyes as he stared at Tj’s freckled face. That wouldn’t help Tj’s agenda. He needed the boy to actually be attentive when he started talking Spinelli up. “Uh-huh,” murmured, his eyes half-lidded. Tj cursed internally. Whatever was distracting Trevor was really not helping his plans._ _

__“Yeah, Spinelli is awesome. I think you’d really get along. You drive a motorcycle, right? She’s crazy about those.” Tj enthused, noting with dismay that his words really weren’t resonating with Trevor. _What the hell was he distracted by?!__ _

__“Uh-huh.” Wow. Trevor was so out of it, he was starting to drift his face really close to Tj’s. Clearly the brunette wasn’t going to pull the new kid out of whatever weird mind limbo he was in anytime soon._ _

__“Anyway, class is about to start. I’ll see you at lunch!’ With a plastered on smile and a wave, the freckled boy spun around and entered his classroom. As soon as the other teen couldn’t see his face, the social manipulator extraordinaire let his eyebrows furrow and a frown grace his face. Trevor was not making it easy to set him up with Spinelli. Tj definitely needed to prime the new kid before he introduced Spin and Trevor properly. It’d have to be done at lunch time-- actually, maybe that was for the best. He could capitalize on group psychology and get the whole gang to enthuse about Spinelli. Normative social influence would incline Trevor to agree so he’d be meeting his future wife with a pretty positive bias. Nodding to himself, the brunette pulled out his phone. Obviously Gretchen couldn’t be included in the plan, seeing as she was infatuated with Trevor as well. Hopefully Vince could distract her through the entirety of lunch. As for Spin, Tj scrubbed a hand through his hair, well, maybe he could pull a few strings to encourage her not to sit with them again today. As much as it pained him since he’d had so little contact with her as of late, it was for the best. It was either this or lose her forever._ _

__\---_ _

__Vince chewed the inside of his cheek as he stared at the screen of his phone. His thumb hovered over the send button for a long moment as he reread the message for the tenth time. No… no. It sounded far too casual, too much like Vince thought he lived in the 70s and was in the mood for a night at the disco. It screamed desperation and unrequited feelings and he should hurry and delete the whole thing before he somehow convinced himself it could be an adequate message to send to his crush. He moved his thumb to the backspace right as someone collided into his back. Jolting at the contact, the black teen accidentally hit send._ _

__**_Hey, Gretch. How’s it hanging? Mind joining me for a study session in the library duriong lunch?_ ** _ _

__Squeaking, the athlete spun to glare at whomever had crashed into him. Or at least he tried to. Spinelli shoved past him rather roughly, growling something about _having some shit to do so move it, paste for brains._ His phone shook in his hand. Glancing down, the teen saw:_ _

__**_Sounds good. I’ll meet you there in 5._ ** _ _

__Somehow managing to restrain himself from fistpumping victoriously like a complete idiot, the athlete smiled to himself. With renewed vigor, he turned to the direction of the library and took long, confident strides down the hallway._ _

__Gretchen managed to get there before him, standing primly in front of the double doors and working furiously on something on her phone. Vince shot her a smile when she glanced up and spotted him. Turning around, the freckled girl held one of the doors open for him and gestured inside with a bit of a dramatic flourish. As the athlete passed through the entryway, the genius gave herself a moment to ogle him from behind before following him through._ _

___What luck!_ Just when she’d been worried her _studies_ of Vince would suffer with the favor Spinelli had asked of her, the object of her affec- _observations_ had come to her, literally asking for her attention. It had been a most fortuitous turn of events indeed, if somewhat shifty with the way Tj had been acting when first organizing the study sessions between the two. The pair migrated to an empty table near the textbook section and began to pull study materials out of their backpacks. Soon enough books, folders, notebooks, binders, and loose papers littered the table. _ _

__“Where would you like to start?” Gretchen asked as her eyes skated over what he’d unloaded onto the table._ _

__“Uh, how about… chapter 3?” Vince asked, pushing his textbook to the center of the table and flipping through it._ _

__The freckled girl nodded with a smile, waiting for him find the page. Even as her stomach quivered in delight at the thought of getting to spend time with him _and_ studying at the same time, she worried about a strange nagging sensation in the back of her mind. It was almost as if she was forgetting something._ _

__\---_ _

__After shoving past Vince in the hallway, Spinelli quickly found Mr. Scaalwell slumped in one of the chairs in front of the principal’s office. The teacher had tear stain trailing down his face and was sniffling every few seconds. Evidently, he had not taken to the complete destruction of his office very well._ _

__“Mr. S,” she called out as she approached, modifying her voice. Burying the usual scatheing harshness under a sweeter and lighter twist, she sounded remarkably like a normal, approachable girl who wouldn’t punch you in the face once irritated. He looked up and spotted the rather short teen. “Word on the street is that someone played an awful prank on you. Are you okay?”_ _

__“M-Miss Spinel-lli,” he hiccuped her name, trying to straighten his appearance. Sitting up straighter and pulling on his tie, he regarded her with watery resolve. “I am… alright. Unfortunately, you heard correctly. I am the victim of a most unfortunate prank.”_ _

__She sat down beside him with a worried frown. “Do you want to talk about it?”_ _

__“I suppose it would make me feel better to talk about it, however you are just a student,” he protested._ _

__“Just because I’m a student, doesn’t mean I don’t care about the state of our school. This was just going too far, Mr. S,” Spinelli argued._ _

__“You are quite right, Miss Spinelli,” Mr. Scaalwell declared. “To think some hooligans would go so far as to deface my office-”_ _

__\---_ _

__“Um,” Gus tried, staring down at Tj in confusion, “are you really sure about this Tj?”_ _

__“I’m worried too, Tj,” Mikey said, sharing a glance with the buff teen beside him. “In your heart-”_ _

__“No, trust me guys. We just need to talk up Spinelli enough to Trevor that he gets really interested in her so they meet and start dating and are both our friends so Spin doesn’t leave us.”  
“But Tj,” Mikey tried again, placing a soft hand on the freckled boy’s shoulder. “Are you sure-”_ _

__“Trust me!” Tj almost yelled. He was so tired of everyone doubting him. Couldn’t they see this was the only way to keep Spinelli around?_ _

__Gus and Mikey exchanged another worried glance before relenting. With that the three boys settled at their table and waited for Trevor. It wasn’t long before the charming newcomer joined them and Tj’s plan was put in motion._ _

__“You know,” the freckled boy began by immediately directing the conversation to the necessary topic. “You’ve met most of the gang, everyone but one person.”_ _

__“Which is funny because, out of all of us, you’d probably get along best with her,” Gus said stiffly, looking entirely too awkward and twitchy for a muscled six foot army brat. Tj was just glad that the boy’s poor acting skills could easily be mistaken for an insecure personality. Trevor could learn later on, after his relationship with Spinelli was well on its way, that Gus wasn’t nearly as bumbling as Tj’s little scheme might make him appear._ _

__Mkey only hummed his assent, being far too skeptical of the plan to readily contribute._ _

__“She’s a huge motorcycle buff. She built one from scratch last summer just because someone else bet her she couldn’t,” Gus continued._ _

__“She tore down the guy’s street doing a wheelie right after she finished, which was hilarious because it was the middle of the night,” Tj recalled with a wide grin. Maybe, _just maybe_ , this little plan of his might have also been something of an excuse for him to get to talk about Spinelli. He really liked talking about Spinelli._ _

__“Really?” Trevor asked with a smile, leaning closer to Tj._ _

__“It was awesome. I was in her garage a lot while she worked on it. For moral support. I know maybe two whole things about motorcycles and none of it helpful when you’re trying to build one. I was actually there when she finished and she let me ride with her on her victory lap.” It was one of his favorite memories. The wind and darkness whipping past him as he held tight to Spinelli’s waist with her gleeful cackling the background music to their late night joy ride. Her eyes caught the glow of the street lights the same way the smooth metal of her bike and the leather of her jacket did-- glittering dangerously, burning with life. _God, if only Tj could--_ “It was awesome.”_ _

__“You know,” Trevor began, his eyes still on Tj. “I have a motorcycle. I ride it to school. Maybe, sometime, we could--”_ _

__“Okay,” Gus interrupted, having not noticed Trevor’s quiet words. “I admit the motorcycle bet was cool, but the burglar incident was so much cooler.”_ _

__Tj’s grin split his face. “The way she just flipped that huge guy over her shoulder--”_ _

__“He was like five times her size!” Gus nodded enthusiastically._ _

__“Um,” Trevor cleared his throat. The rest of the table looked at him in surprise. _Riiiight, the **plan**.__ _

__“There was one time we were at this gas station in middle school,” Tj explained. “We were all walking around, picking out snacks for this road trip our parents were taking us on, when this masked guy barged in and stood up the store. He put a gun to the cashier’s head and wanted all the money in the register.”_ _

__“Spinelli, our friend who made the motorcycle, walked in right as the guy was about to run out the door. He tried to push her out of the way, but then she--” Gus continued._ _

__“Hoo- _aaaaaah!_ ” Tj cried out, striking one of the kung fu poses from kung fu panda. “Judo flip!”_ _

__“She grabbed him by the arm and threw him! It was like something out of a kung fu movie!” Gus exclaimed._ _

__“She kept him pinned until the police arrived,” Mikey said with a smile, finally comfortable with contributing. “When they tried to reward her she told them she didn’t need thanks. A true hero needs no thanks,” the blonde commented wistfully._ _

__“She is probably the single most badass person who ever lived,” Tj said thoughtfully._ _

__“Ha,” Trevor snorted. When everyone looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, he chuckled weakly. “Sorry, just, that’s amazing and all but,” he paused and tried to figure out how to word his question. Compared to the veritable action movie that Trevor lived, taking out one measly gas station robber was hardly _basass_. If these boys wanted to see a veritable female teen badass, they had to look no farther than Trevor’s own rival who walked the halls of their school. And even she paled in comparison to Trevor’s badassery (if he did say so, himself). The fact that they thought this _Spinelli_ chick was even remotely impressive when two of the world’s elite secret agents were roaming their school, _well…_. “Who do you think would win a fight? Spinelli or James Bond?”_ _

__The three members of the gang glanced at one another. “Spinelli,” they declared unanimously._ _

__“No offense to James Bond, but Spinelli would _destroy_ him,” Gus said._ _

__“She has an indomitable spirit, the spirit of a warrior: courageous and unyielding,” MIkey supplied._ _

__“Spinelli would make James Bond burst into tears,” Tj agreed._ _

__Trevor laughed. It was cute how they thought their friend stood a chance against a real professional._ _

__“Anyway, I really think you should meet Spinelli. You’d probably get along,” Tj said._ _

__“What makes you think that?” Trevor asked. If anything, he’d probably find this _Spinelli_ extremely grating. All of her posturing as a “ _badass_ ” would do nothing but irritate the teen who had lived as and fought with the real deal. He’d probably just compared Spinelli to 004 with the agent winning by a landslide-- and the last thing he needed was to think of 004 favorably._ _

__“You just seem like you’d get along. Similar type, I guess,” Tj responded vaguely. He could hardly explain the plot of the movie to a main character, now could he? For some reason, the freckled boy couldn’t really think of the reasons they’d get along besides that but those surely existed. Tj was probably just still a tiny bit in denial that he was going to lose the already miniscule shot he had at being with his first love and was unconsciously forcing himself to ignore all the reasons she and Trevor were perfect for each other. Yeah, that sounded about right. “You should hang out with us after school and meet her.”_ _

__“Us?” Trevor asked._ _

__“Yeah, the whole gang hangs out at this ice cream parlor called Slausen’s at least once a week,” Tj answered._ _

__“So you’ll be there?” Trevor said with a grin._ _

__“Uh, yeah. So will Spinelli,” the freckled boy replied._ _

__“Sounds great,” the new kid decided. “I’ll see you guys there then.”_ _

__Tj grinned victoriously. Now Spinelli and Trevor would be in the same place so Tj could-- _Spinelli_. The brunette scrubbed at his hair as he realized he’d forgotten an entire half of the equation. Spinelli didn’t regularly show up to Slausen’s. The boy quickly excused himself from the table and pulled his phone out of his pocket._ _

__**_heeeeeeeey spin listen i really really think you should come hang out with us after school at slausens. Seriously. please?_ ** _ _

__\---_ _

__“I’ll see you later, Mr. Scaalwell,” Spinellli said with a smile and a wave. “I hope they find out who did that awful stuff to your office.” Turning away from him, a smirk lit her features. She’d found a sizable lead and was back on track for finding that damn petri dish. Glancing down at her phone, she noticed the message Tj had sent her._ _

__**_sorry teej. cant. busy._ ** _ _

__The girl grinned as she put her phone back into her pocket. _But I’ll totally break into your house later tonight without giving you a heads up so we can watch TV together,_ she thought happily. The spy was in a very, very good mood._ _


	6. Milkshakes Bring All the Girls to my Basement... wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tj's plans are floundering. Trevor is enamored regardless, just with the wrong person. Spinelli drops by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I packed this one full of references to a lot of different stuff. Have fun trying to find it all.
> 
> Also, I'm finally free from college and finals and essays so lots of my stuff is getting updated. Hopefully that means I'll be updating more frequently as well but we'll see what happens.
> 
> ALSO the reviewer that referenced Heathers?! I love you! Not enough people know about Heather dammit!

Tj slumped into the booth at Slausen’s. His plan was in shambles. This was not something the master manipulator was used to. He couldn’t figure out if it was the prospect of losing his first love that was throwing him off his game or if his opponents, the fates that turned his life into a made for TV romcom, were just that tough to beat. They really didn’t want his friendship with Spinelli coming out of this unscathed, huh? Mikey and Gus scooted into the booth bench across from him, each holding a large milkshake.

“You look really… _bummed_ ,” Gus noted.

“Youth, while a precious commodity which affords great opportunity, is one of nature’s greatest depressants,” Mikey hummed. “Youth leaves the soul bulletproof to everything aside from one critical weakness.” Gus raised an eyebrow at the poet’s musings. “Love,” Mikey finished.

The military brat took a slow sip from his milkshake. “Yeah. I can remember having times like that because of my relationship with Theresa.” He reached a muscled arm across the table to set his hand on Tj’s shoulder. “It works itself out. Stay strong and true to yourself. Whatever happens, happens.” Gus glanced over to his blonde friend. “Uh, I can’t think of anything else to say. You’ll survive?”

Tj groaned, slouching more and slipping somewhat beneath the table. “It really doesn’t feel like I will.”

Loud laughter announced the arrival of two more of the group. Gretchen and Vince entered Slausen’s on the tail end of a joke and so the two were giggling loudly as they approached the table. Neither noticed Tj’s dejected posture as they slipped onto the bench next to him, too caught in each other’s amused smiles and sideways glances. By the time the pair had calmed down, they finally began to notice the atmosphere of the booth. Vince looked to the good friend seated at his side and held back a wince. The brunette was not fairing well.This was almost as bad as the _Gordie incident_.

“Hey, Tj,” Vince tried to sound casual and managed to come off about as natural as a Disney channel kids’ show actor.

The brunette grumbled something of a hello.

“So, uh, you said Trevor was joining us today?” Vince asked nervously.

Tj shot up in his seat, nodding vigorously. “Yeah, that’s right!” Plotting always got him energized. He quickly made eye contact with all the boys in his friend group, trying to communicate a reminder about the plan telepathically: talk up Spinelli a bunch. Even if she isn’t here, they could still make a good first impression. It was the same as lunch, just keep playing it cool.

Gretchen raised an eyebrow. Trevor, as in _Spinelli’s nemesis_ , was joining them at Slausen’s? This was not good. She’d need to make sure to keep the conversation away from Spinelli lest Tango realize how critical of a weak point the gang truly was to Spinelli. Mentally nodding to herself, the girl steeled her resolve. _No talking about Spinelli._

A jingling bell signaled the arrival of the teen they were all anxiously awaiting. With his massive skill set, finding the group had been quite easy for Trevor. He was at their table within moments. He swept his gaze over all the table’s occupants, his gaze lingering quite a bit on a certain freckled brunette. Eyeing the seating arrangement, the boy realized there was only room for him next to the two very tall blonde boys on the opposite bench from Tj. Biting back a grimace, he slid into the open spot.

Before anyone could even begin to exchange greetings, Gretchen launched her attack. “Trevor! So nice to see you again! I wasn't expecting to see you here! Remember that one story you told me, about the circus elephants? I really think my friends would love to hear it. You should share it.”

Trevor considered the bespectacled girl with a curious glance. She'd been, frankly, incredibly annoying with the way she'd hounded him all day yesterday but she presented a good opportunity for him to share one of his amazing (and very impressive) stories. He did have someone at the table he wanted to impress. The girl had redeemed herself slightly in his eyes, proving to be somewhat useful if a bit obnoxious. He felt comfortable with her incessant attention on him because he could tell it was't romantic. Trevor wasn't sure why she was focused on him, but he knew it wasn't because she thought he was straight or that she had a chance. Maybe she was one of those girls with the weird fixation on the idea of having a gay best friend? Ultimately, it didn't matter. He had just been given a golden opportunity to talk himself up in front of the really cute brunette he'd had his eyes on.

Just like that, Gretchen gained control of the conversation flow. She kept Trevor telling stories to the group, each more fantastical and yet believable leaving no room for the gang to butt in with any information about Spinelli. Trevor was only too happy to speak of his many accomplishments and feats. Surely Tj had to be impressed with the worldly teen before him. 

Tj growled under his breath and his fist clenched tightly in his jacket pocket even as he kept up the perfect masquerade of an interested smile. The conversation was so far off topic and every time he tried to introduce an anecdote about Spinelli, Gretchen would cut him off and distract Trevor with questions about his many tales. Honestly it was starting to scare Tj, how viciously Gretchen demanded Trevor's attention and denied any conversation about Spinelli. Clearly, this was a difficult battle and Gretchen a mighty opponent-- but Tj had a secret weapon. 

Nudging Vince, the brunette gestured vaguely in the direction of Gretchen. “Offer to get her something. Make her go to the counter with you,” Tj whispered. 

Vince nodded before gently tapping the freckled girl next to him on the shoulder. “Hey, wanna grab something? It's on me.”

Gretchen faltered, momentarily forgetting her assignment at the sight of the sweet smile on the boys face. “Sure,” she agreed without thought, already standing from the booth.

Tj watched the couple leave the table and approach the counter with a satisfied smirk before turning to Trevor. Trevor, immediately upon seeing the two next to the stand to get food, had moved to the other bench to sit next to Tj. “Speaking of that story you were telling us earlier,” the brunette began, “we've also got a good story about some really rich noble type people.”

“A few, actually,” Gus hummed, not trying to brag.

“I'm thinking of the dance recital one,” Tj explained. 

Mikey cooed in remembrance. “That was a very good day.”

“Okay, so,” Tj began with a wide smile, “ Mikey and Spinelli are actually a dancing duo, pretty well recognized, go to competitions, all that jazz. One time they were at a ballroom competition and pretty much all the teams were these super rich, fancy snob people.”

“Really,” Mikey weighed in, “really rich, really douche-baggy.”

“Obnoxiously self centered,” Gus agreed. “And none of them took Mikey or Spinelli seriously. They called them a bunch of names.”

“My favorites were when we were called _paltry plebeians_ and _proletariat dish rags_ ,” Mikey hummed.

“So all the teams and their sponsors are at this before party for the competition where you’re supposed to mingle or network or whatever. It’s being held in this big fancy ballroom and everyone’s wearing these really nice clothes,” Tj smirked. “Except Spinelli. She went in a tank top, sweatpants, and dirty, mud-covered sneakers. Now, don’t forget the sneakers. The sneakers are important. This pissed the shit out of her competitors. A bunch of the snobby people confronted the two of them at the buffet table and start insulting them. Everything is fine and Spinelli isn’t paying any mind until one of them calls Mikey obese and a bunch of other really mean stuff about his body.”

“I know I’m a big guy but I’m not unhealthy. There was no need to be so cruel about it,” Mikey lamented.

“It pissed _the fuck_ out of Spinelli,” Tj said with excitement. “She challenged them to a dance off, right then and there.”

“Of course, they didn’t take her seriously until she dropped into a back spin right in front of the buffet table before moving to a head spin so she could kick a shrimp cocktail right out of one of their hands,” Mikey laughed.

“They all just backed away from her, calling her uncivilized and a bunch of other posh people crap,” Tj continued.

“So she did a front walkover and stepped on this one girl’s really nice, fancy dress, with these dirty, mud-covered sneakers” Mikey spoke. “The girl started shouting lawsuit threats at Spinelli and Spinelli just shrugged and said, I thought this was a dance competition. Settle this with dance, unless you aren’t confident you can take out my partner and I.”

“By the way, this girl is the one who said the really shitty stuff about Mikey’s weight,” Tj pointed out. 

“So the whole group swears they’ll do better than Spinelli and I in the competition,” Mikey continued. “There are 200 pairs in this competition. Five judges. Everyone does three performances in various ballroom styles and are ranked from those. Spinelli and I ranked third out of 200.”

“The girl that wanted to sue Spinelli? 78th!” Tj laughed. 

“Afterwards the girl marched up to Spinelli and told her she was still going to sue,” Mikey noted. “Except Spinelli never got served any kind of noticed. I heard that that girl’s parent’s company was dismantled by some government organization for doing a bunch of illegal stuff with money. So I guess her family had bigger problems than the girl who stomped on her dress.”

Trevor hummed at the story. This Spinelli definitely sounded like an interesting person, but he still wasn’t all that curious about her. He was entirely more interested in the freckled boy at his side. “Cool,” he hummed noncommittally as he redirected his attention to Tj. “So, I was wondering if you--”

“Tj!” Gretchen called loudly from where she stood at the end of the table, cutting Trevor off. “Look at the time.”

The brunette glanced at his phone before cursing loudly. “Sorry, guys. I promised my parents I’d be home, like, five minutes ago so I could get started on some chores.” He stood up on the bench and stepped over Trevor before hopping onto the ground. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow!” Gretchen waved nicely with a satisfied little smirk on her face. _Come to think of it, how did Gretchen know he needed to be home? He didn’t recall telling any of his friends about that._

Tj made it home in record time and set to work on his chores. As soon as he’d finished those, he was buried in homework he needed to have done by tomorrow. He wasn’t done until almost 9 PM. With a sigh, he headed down to the basement, which his parents had let him convert into a place to hang out with his friends a few years back. Tj turned on the TV and flopped down onto the couch with the remote in his hand.

“ _Where Tom had been was a large, black and purple mass that resembled monsters from children's’ nightmares. For a moment, Tord was consumed by a panic that Tom had been eaten alive by this monstrosity. However, that feeling faded the moment he saw the single hollow void of an eye socket sweep over the impromptu battlefield. When did that happen?_  
_Both the hazmats and suits repositioned to fight Tom while Tord signalled the copter to pull up higher. This would be fun to watch._  
_Bullets were sprayed errantly towards the hulking beast. Ignoring the metal ammunition ricocheting off his body, Tom lurched forward, easily lifting the black SUV in his claws and tossing it the short distance or top of his would be kidnappers. The ensuing explosion and a cloud of kicked up dust obscured the monster from the view of those who managed to get out of the vehicle’s way._ ”

It had been a long time since Tj had a chance to hang out with Spinelli. She was always so busy. And, yeah, he knew trying to finagle her into a new relationship would only mean she’d have even less time for him, but, he knew the signs of someone pulling away. One of his biggest fears relating to growing up was that he would lose all his friends, that everyone would drift apart and fall in with new cliques. The gang was a group of kids with very little in common and those types of friend groups never seemed to last. If the gang could get her a boyfriend, if said boyfriend was part of the gang, then Spinelli would have all the more reason to hang around. She could keep being one of Tj’s closest friends even if her heart had someone else in mind.

He hit the downwards arrow button on the remote to change channels.

“ _“What?! But he’s just startin’ ta like us!” Zeke cried out dramatically, gesturing to Carlos. “There’s no way he’ll hang out with us if he hears about that. Especially not with me.”_  
_“I stuck around,” Tina replied sweetly, knocking her shoulder into his._  
_“Yeah, well, you’re basically the best person to ever live so of course you didn’t have a problem with it.” He wrapped a thick arm around her shoulders and spoke before he could stop himself. “This is why I love you.” The fake couple immediately froze as their faces glowed red._  
_Carlos looked back and forth between the duo for a second before clapping his hands in realization. “This is the first time he said ‘I love you,’ isn’t it?” He smiled. “Aw, you two are so cute._ "  
_Whatever Jimmy Sr. had come to brag about, he had finished and left, allowing his son to poke his head out of the bathroom before rejoining the table. He arrived just in time to hear what Carlos had said. “Wait, Zeke said what?”_ ”

____

____

Tj huffed a long sigh and scrubbed at his hair. He probably wouldn’t be able to handle her wedding. He just needed to figure out a good excuse not to attend. He had a good while to figure it out too, probably. Hopefully. Her wedding would be a sucker punch to his chest that he wouldn’t be able to recover from easily. He’d likely need a week to relearn how to smile smile convincingly again. That wasn’t something he was looking forward to. He changed the channel again.

_Fuck_.

It was some cheesy, poorly made rom-com and, _wow, it looks like the best friend is about to be rejected_. Tj bit down on his cheek and tightened his grip on the remote. The best friend was finishing up his monolgue. The lead girl frowned and opened her mouth and Tj held back a wince.

“Wow, Tj. What the hell are you watching?”

Cursing loudly, the freckled boy flipped around before awkwardly falling off his couch. For a moment he was stuck just staring at the concrete ceiling above him, then he sat up. Standing behind the couch, leaning on the back of it with a soda can in her hand, was Spinelli. She took a long swig of her soda before raising an eyebrow at the teen on the ground.

“You gonna change the channel or what? Because I’m about to barf from how awful this movie is,” Spin spoke.

Part of Tj laughed at the irony of that, _if only she knew_. The rest of him was downright ecstatic she was here at all. “Uh, sure. What do you want to watch?”

Hopping over the back of the couch, she shot him a grin. “Wrestling! Ol’ Betsy has a match tonight and she is kick ass!”

Tj climbed back onto the couch and settled beside her. _Oh shit_.He should probably take advantage of this time to talk up Trevor so he could set them up. “Hey, Spin. You know today--”

“Oh shit!” Spinelli cackeld as the blonde wrestler on TV tossed a 6’5 guy over her shoulder with ease. “YES! Go Betsy!” She wrapped a leather jacket clad arm over Tj’s shoulders and dragged him close to her side so she could give him a half hearted noogie out of excitement before getting distracted again.

You know, maybe Tj could put off his matchmaking plans until tomorrow.


	7. I'm Bad At Making Puns Someone Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when you shove the guy you've been trying to avoid for, like, the past week into the lockers and threaten his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that school's back on and I'm working too, I don't have a whole lot of free time. Writing fanfiction is a reward for working hard so enjoy the fruits of my labor.  
> ALso please leave spy puns in the comments I'm so tired I can't think of any but I want decent puns for the chapter titles.

Tj felt better than he had in weeks. It didn’t matter that he’d stayed up all night and had a test in one of his least favorite classes in the morning. The teen had spent all the aforementioned night just hanging out with Spinelli. They’d watched wrestling, talked about what was going on with each of them, play wrestled (with Spinelli always coming out on top, not for Tj’s lack of trying), and had simply just enjoyed their time together. It was like all the pressure he’d felt building up inside had been released in one giant woosh: a cathartic exhalation of a whoopee cushion. The brunette gulped down the coffee in his thermos as he casually opened his locker and pulled out what he needed. Humming happily to himself, he spun around, closing his locker with his elbow and looking damn cool doing it. 

Vince was right behind him, raising an eyebrow at Tj’s good mood. “You look,” the athlete paused to assess the bright smile stretching across freckle spotted cheeks, “happy.”

Tj’s grin grew even brighter. “Yeah, I feel happy too. Spin crashed at my place last night and we spent all night hanging out. Now I’m high on caffeine,” he raised his thermos, “and time spent with one of my best friends.”

Vince smiled back as his shoulders relaxed. Breathing a sigh of relief, the teen regarded his friend with cheer. “Oh thank god, that means you’re over the whole crazy rom-com thing now, right? I can go back to planning my best man speech for your and Spinelli’s wedding?” he joked.

Tj froze, his grip tightening on his thermos and his face contorting in panic. “McFrick!” He shouted. “I totally lost track of the plan! I should’ve been talking to Spin about Trevor and,” the brunette was cut off when Vince grabbed him by the shoulders, trying to still his flailing arms. A moment of silence passed between them as they stared into one another’s eyes before a gentle squeaking sound caught their attention. Both boys turned their attention to the thermos in Tj’s hand, now upside down having been suspended mid-flail. Just like that the lid dropped free and all of Tj’s precious coffee splashed to the floor. “I’ll never be able to make it through second period now,” the brunette said gravely.

“Tj,” Vince said, ignoring the steaming puddle on the ground. “You spent all night with Spinelli.”

“Yeah,” the boy agreed.

“And you feel amazing because of that,” Vince continued.

“Yup,” Tj nodded.

“So you know that she makes you incredibly happy,” Vince said.

“I’m in love with her,” Tj replied flatly.

“Exactly!” Vince declared. “And you still want to set her up with someone else? You still don’t want to be just a little selfish and go after something you love?”

“Vince,” Tj dropped his thermos to the ground to place his hands on Vince’s shoulders. “I can’t lose her. If I ask for too much, I’ll get nothing. She’s never going to pick me anyway so I just need to make sure I stay her friend through all of this. We’ve talked about this.”

Vince groaned and tightened his grip on Tj’s shoulders. “You’re an idiot.”

“From where I’m standing, you both look like idiots.” At the sound of a familiar voice, the boys sprang apart and turned their attention to the new arrival. Spinelli stood a few feet away with her hands shoved into the pockets of an over-sized leather jacket.

The two conspiring teens exchanged glances before Vince couldn’t help from blurting out, “how much did you hear?”

Spinelli raised an eyebrow. “Only that Teej is an idiot. Is there something else I should know?”

“No,” Vince vigorously shook his head while Tj slapped a hand to his face.

“Vince, is there something you’d like to share with the class?” the girl asked as she advanced on the athlete.

Tj watched in amusement as the small girl caught the incredibly tall athlete in a headlock and began taunting him and demanding information. At the sound of a soft thud behind him, the brunette glanced behind him to see Trevor leaning against the lockers and smiling at Tj.

“Oh, hey Trevor.”

“Hi there, Tj. Having fun?” He asked with a suave smile.

Tj chuckled as he turned his attention back to Spinelli and Vince. “Yeah, nothing brightens my day quite like Spin putting Vince in a headlock.”

“Oh, this is the famous Spinelli that I’ve heard so much about?” Trevor asked innocently. Tj’s body became petrified for the second time in the span of ten minutes. _Holy shit._ Trevor and Spin were in the same place for once. It was time for their meet cute. Or, well, their official meet cute. The first meeting, as telling as it had been to Tj, didn’t really count as a meet cute. This was meet cute part 2: electric boogaloo; likely to be some of the worst five minutes of Tj’s life.

“Hey, Spin. Have you met Trevor?” Best to pull the band-aid off quickly.

Spinelli dropped Vince from her headlock to turn around and regard the pair of teens leaning against the lockers. She tilted her chin high in the air and leveled a glare at the new kid. His eyes widened in surprise and his easy smile wavered a tad bit before regaining it’s flawless form.

“Hi, the name’s Trevor. Spinelli, right? That a family name?” He asked with a wicked glint in his eyes.

“Fuck off,” Spin replied eloquently.

Tj blinked in surprise. Was this a meet cute between badasses was supposed to be like? Was ‘fuck off’ the new ‘nice to meet you’? Vince pointedly glanced at Tj, trying to mentally rub in Tj’s face how not into Trevor Spinelli was.

Trevor brushed off the biting remark and continued. “I hear you’ve lived here almost your whole life. I move around a lot so I’m not sure what it is like to have such a,” he paused, “consistent home base. It seems almost _vulnerable_.”

Spinelli scowled at him. “That’s certainly what it _looks_ like. I’d hardly call this place a home though,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

Tj faltered, regarding Spinelli with surprise. He didn’t know that Spinelli didn’t feel at home in their town. It felt like he knew less and less about her these days. Some best friend he was. Biting the inside of his cheek, the freckled boy glared down at his shoes, only noticed by Vince.

“Is that so?” Trevor hummed. “Well,” he casually stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Tj’s shoulders. “I was hoping to ask Tj here some questions about the layout of the school so I’ll just go ahead and,” He was cut off by a small hand grasping his shoulder and pulling him down the hallway.

“No, no. Let me help. I _insist_ ,” Spinelli hissed as she pulled the teen around a corner away from the pair of boys still at the locker.

“Well, fuck. I knew it was coming and it still hurt,” Tj groaned.

“That was,” Vince stopped and scratched his head. “I don’t know what that was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t flirting.”

Tj huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Vince, can we not talk about this right now? I’m happy for Spin but I need to figure out how to cope with all of this and I’m already so tired. Also, you’re standing in the coffee.”

Vince jumped out of the puddle with a curse and inspected his shoes. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed,” Tj intoned sagely.

Meanwhile, Spinelli was slamming Trevor into the wall under the stairs. “Listen up, fucker. Those people? Stay away from them or I will _end_ you.”

Trevor laughed. “Cute threat but it seems to me that you’re the one with more to lose here.”

She growled and shoved him against the wall a second time. “If you try any fuckin’ thing,”

“Actually,” Trevor cut her off. “I’m most interested in the cute brunette boy with all those freckles. Oh, honey, you’ve been holding out on me. I would’ve come to visit way sooner if I’d known you had such a cutie for a frie--”

Another impact against the wall was the end of that statement. “Shut your face, Tango. This is my turf and Tj is my property. I’ve got dibs and if you try _anything_ ,” she rammed a fist in his face before backing away. “There will be hell to pay. You might know one of my civilian identities, but you know my agent one as well. Do you really want the ire of 004 and all her connections?” With that, she stormed away.

Trevor chuckled while rubbing his cheek. “All the influence in the espionage realm in the world couldn’t do a thing if he chose me of his own free will.”

\---

TJ huffed out a long sigh as he slouched into his seat in third period. He'd been abruptly woke by the bell only three minutes earlier and stumbled into his next class so he could continue his nap. Mr. Simmons would just have to deal. Just as the brunette was about to nuzzle his face into his folded arms and float off to dream land, his his desk was jostled casing him to jerk back awake. 

“Tj,” Trevor greeted with a wide smile as he leaned against the sleep deprived teen’s desk. “Hi, I figured I'd pop in to chat before the next class started.”

“Oh,” the brunette mumbled around a yawn. “Okay.” He propped his cheek up on his hand and sleepily gazed at his new friend. 

Trevor bit his lip as his grin widened. “So, what's your type?”

“Type?” Tj asked dazedly. 

“Yeah, what are you attracted to in someone?”

A dreamy smile overtook Tj’s face as thoughts of Spinelli flooded his fuzzy mind. “Badass,” he hummed as his eyelids fluttered shut. “Doesn't take shit. Strong. Good at wrestling. Leather jackets.” The teen yawned and missed Trevor's proud glance down at his own leather jacket. “Motorcycles. Metalsmithing. Fighter, but kind. Self-assured. Proud but humble. Doesn't put on airs or pretend to be someone else. Just really,” Tj’s face slowly slipped down towards the ground before making full contact with the desk. “Super, duper comfortable with who she is,” he mumbled unintelligbly. Trevor nodded at what sounded like gibberish and pushed himself to a stand. 

“Good talk. See you around,” he called out as he left the classroom. He donned a victorious smirk as he recounted all the information he'd just gathered. All the things Tj listed were, without a doubt, items that he could beat 004 at. Everything was just so masculine. Trevor was so excited at the prospect of winning the cute boy over that he forgot exactly who his rival was. 004, Spinelli, was not your average girl.

**Author's Note:**

> So, Spinelli's parents are absolutely canonically secret agents. I will fight you on this. Ever since I saw that episode at the age of ten I've constantly been writing and rewriting "Spinelli the Spy" fics in my head and this is the first one to ever make it onto the internet. Here's hoping it's a good one.


End file.
